The Gossip Chronicles

It Shouldn't Even Matter

2009-12-18T01:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder what gives people the right to talk about others.
Who the hell ever asked them anything. So many insecure people go around making others feel small so they can make themselves feel better.
The amount of people that meet you and want to tell you how you should dress, or speak , or what person you should try and become and then behind your back and run your name into th ground anyway.
No one EVER asked their opinion.!!
We all have our own lives to live , Whether People like it or not shouldnt matter.
NO ONE IS PERFECT ... So for people to try and act holier than thou and gossip about others for 99 % of the day is just wrong.
There was a time when I took EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAID into serious consideration.
When people said I needed to change my attitude or that i needed to grow up Or i Needed to stop Beliveing in love or happiness, I really did.
All that did was make me even more unhappy because i was trying to please others instead of trying to make myself happy.
LET NO ONE BRING YOU DOWN
Whether it be with their words or whatever else they try and throw at you.
Being different is what makes the world go round.
If the people around you now talk about you because they cant accept you as you are Then you need to find people who will.
Trust me, Unless you are some crazed psycho (Which i hope your not :S)
Lol...you can always find people who will love you for you, Real Friends, Not the pretend ones who live to hurt you.
People who talk , Just have nothing better to to do with their time But you can always find something better to do with yours.
Be the bigger person, Just leave them be.

Peace And Love
Benji~Wilson

F.A.U.L.T

2009-12-18T00:53:00.000-08:00

PEOPLE WILL NEVER STOP TALKING!
I know you cant shut the world up , it would stupid for me to try.
But Im not going to hide either .
But, I will keep them from know more than they need To know. I will use FAULT...
Its something Icame up with a while ago that i never thought would actually work.... I broke the letters down so that each letter meant something
LOOK...

F- Forgive yourself when you do something you regret
A- Accept that everyone makes mistakes and No one should punish you for them
U- Use your common sense to see when people around you are going to become a problem ,i.e Telling everyone and their mother about what you did the night before
L- Lose those people , They are no good for you and probably won't change..A zebra cant lose his stripes
T- Trust No one 100%...No one is perfect and you never know what someones intentions really are until they do it. You don't want to be on the recieving end of that.

It's Not always going to be perfect but If you do follow through with it there is wayyyy less chance of a person getting a hold of your business and making you feel shame that you could've prevented.

Peace and Love
Benji~Wilson

LEARN TO SEPARATE THE REAL FRIENDS FROM THE FAKE FRIENDS!

2009-12-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

In our lives we have people who are only there to bring us down.
The ones who spend the most time with us, The ones who constantly want to know our business so they can "Help" us....Those are the ones we have to watch the most.
People Sometimes get a kick out of hurting others. They Get their laughs seeing someone around them suffer by their hand.
We sit back alot of the time and let people walk all over us and hurt us. We tell people our most intimate secrets off the strength of them being our "friends", hoping that they would never hurt us.
I have had people put me in bad positions many times because I gave them too much information about myself. I trusted them and felt that they loved me and only cared about my best interest and my well being.
I would feel BETRAYED AND DISSAPOINTED when they did me wrong.
The truth is PEOPLE DONT REALLY CARE WHAT THEY DO TO YOU. The quicker we come to realize that , The better.
People generally care about themselves. When it comes to others some people will jump at the opportunity to better themselves while hurting us in the process.
of course there may be select people in our lives who do care and are genuinely good at heart, but everyone isnt that way. You cant trust everyone with your secrets hoping that they will protect them with their life as you would do for them.
Its a gamble. Everytime we meet someone new and we become close to them , it is a gamble to see if you can trust them or not.
One thing i have learned is that your secrets, especially the deep dark ones should remain with you and the people taht the secret involves.
No one who wasnt involved in that situation should become involved.
It only makes it harder for you when it comes to crunch and people all of a sudden know things about you that they shouldnt know all because of the mouth of a person who shouldnt HAVE EVER been told.

We need to weed out the people in our lives who need to be there and the ones who are only good for going shopping and eating lunch with.
The sooner we realize that certain people only need to be around for a season is the sooner we can start to breathe easier about people using us and talking about us behind our back.
The smaller we keep our circle of trust is the better for us, because we will know exactly who knows what and who told what.

Peace and Love
Benji~Wilson

To further push a point....

2009-12-13T20:33:00.000-08:00

I feel like this verse speaks so clearly..
I read it whenever I need positive reinforcement for something I don't Feel strongly about.
Whatever your religion is or even if you have none...this still speaks so loudly. ENJOY

1 Corinthians 13

Love

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Peace and Love
Benji~Wilson

BACK WITH A MISSION

2009-12-13T20:28:00.000-08:00

Sorry that I have been gone for so long. So many things have happened in my life in the last few months. Of course most of the situations were centered around people gossiping. But, one situation was around someone I loved , but cannot be with.
When we are talked about, or we are unhappy or things do not go our way...we tend to lose sight of the bigger goal ahead and we only think about then and there.
I dont want to lose the strength to love and hope. I definitely do not want people to make me lose my faith in love and good people.
Sometimes people do things to hurt us, it might feel like it will hurt forever but it truly only hurts for a moment.
I am keeping my heart open so that love will always find its way in, and even though it feels like these things i hope for will never be mine...I have faith that eventually they will be.

Peace and Love
Benji~Wilson

How Far Is Too Far?

2009-10-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people may feel as if i am giving rumors way too much power.
In reality I just want people to realize that words hurt. Words can take a person who is normally so strong and break them down until they cry. They can take the most beautiful person and make them feel so ugly.
The hurtful thing is when people spread rumors that is exactly what they intend to do.
To mess with you, make you feel small and hurt you.
Am I giving someone to much power because I let their words affect me , or am I just being human and reacting to people constantly spreading lies.
Am I supposed to be super woman and pretend that I can hear anything people say about me and it doesnt bother me not one bit?
I know people will always talk and there is probably no way to ever make them stop, but should people feel guilty too?
Should people feel bad after running your name into the ground just for the sake of having a GOOD conversation or for a couple good laughs at lunch?
Most people dont know what its like to wake up in the morning and turn off your phone, afraid to log into facebook, or even to sign on into your msn, because your afraid everyone already knows something about you.
Your afraid everyone is talking about you and you cant bear to see it or hear it.
Are we really pushing people too far by just talking about them ?
Is it safe to say that PEOPLE have a hand in our mental well beings?
Is it time to stop?

Peace and Love
Benji Wilson

MEN GOSSIP TOO!!???!!

2009-10-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

GOOD MORNING ALL MY BEAUTIFUL BLOGGERS!!!!!

I woke up this morning only to be greeted by a bunch of men in my living room gossiping like women in a beauty shop.
So this thought came into my head....
Do men gossip just as much as women? When I first started writing this book I thought that rumors and gossip only started because of jealousy and things like that but obviously there is a little bit more to it than that.
When I see a group of men sitting down laughing and talking about things they've heard about women , or women they have been with or a fellow group member who is "being punked" by his girlfriend, I must think..is everyone gossiping.

Is it not only childish but also just plain out lame for guys to do it too?
Most of our friends are sometimes married or in relationships...normally when we tell our friends something they tell their husbands or boyfriends. But now that men are doing the same thing women do is it ok to even do that...how do we know that a group of guys are not sitting down and talking about the same things we told our girlfriends the day before?\

Let me know
Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

It Ain't Easy At All....

2009-10-16T09:25:00.000-07:00

You know what ?
Lately i have been finding it really hard not to gossip. I dont know what it is, but lately i keep having people come to me and tell me juicy pieces of gossip and i want so bad to tell someone else. Sometimes I even find myself somewhat indulged when im being told about who stole someones boyfriend.
Is it that bad?! Like really, am I wrong for listening?
Am I just as bad as the person telling me?
It makes me wonder just how much of our our days, weeks ,years do we put into spreading and listening to other peoples business.
Why is it so hard for us to just shut our ears to it and keep our mouths closed?
It isnt easy ...But what I want to know is why isnt it easy?
Have we really become so destructive to one another that stopping gossip is like trying to stop smoking..
Or worse...eating..because half the time I've gossipped over meals ...even worse over drinks because that when your lips get loose..lol
Let me know what you guys think
Peace and Love
BEnji-Wilson

Rumors...Rumors...Rumors

2009-10-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

You know what kills me...
When I'm having a great day and someone tells me something that they heard something about me.
Half the time that crap is so untrue and when i look back at half the things that I've heard i can only laugh.
I've had people come up to me and ask me when is the baby due...how is the nose job healing up and they are sorry my boyfriend finally came out the closet.
Like how FAR from the truth can you get?!
I think that when people get bored they just constantly make things up. How else would people be able to come up with these rumors.Rumors can start off of people being jealous of you or because they just flat out dont like you.
Most of the time we just shake of what we hear and dont pay mind to what people say about us.
But weh people say something serious about us and people really start to believe it and it gets out of hand what should we do.
Do we confront them?
Do we just continue our everydays and not care that people are laughing at us when we walk by?

Let me know
Peace and love
Benji-Wilson

Stay motivated

2009-10-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

There are days when I feel like I don't want to write. Staying motivated is hard at times.
Sometimes I wake up and don't even want to see my books lol
But the truth is When you feel that way you have to look towards what your work now will bring you in the future, I know all I'm doing will benefit me when this book is done.

To everyone following the blog and supporting me...I always have thanks for you
continue and if you like it tell everyone.
Thanks to nyesha on letting me have my first radio interview..It was truly a joy
Keep your eyes open..you will defintiely be seeing me soon

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

Watch your friends...

2009-10-01T00:25:00.001-07:00

You know that time old saying...
The one that goes ..KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER
I think the person who said it might have gotten it wrong...
In all fairness to the person who said it ...they were semi right..
You should keep your enemies close so that you can pin point there next move and you can be prepared for it.
But in this new day and age when the term "frenemy" is used ever so frequently, it kind of makes you wonder how close you should really keep your friends.

It's really messed up, but I've noticed over the last couple of years that many of my so called "friends" have done more damage to me than my enemies.
The people that I trusted more than anything, and I would tell all my secrets to betrayed me.
Well..that might just be the problem..
How much do we tell our best friends or our good friends..
Sometimes we tell our friends so much more than we should thinking that they have our best interest at heart..which a "True" friend should.
But nowadays..It's really hard to find a "True Friend" and the people walking around pretending to be our friends really have hidden agendas.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've been sad or had a bad break up and I told a "friend" and 2 weeks later I would hear the same exact thing I said coming from someone else. But ,my "friend" would still have the nerve to smile in my face and act like she never said anything about me.
The crazy thing about an enemy is that you KNOW that they don't like you..
You wouldn't sit down to lunch with your enemy or have a slumber party with them and discuss your whole life ,from what guy your sleeping with or how much you get paid at work.
MAYBE we should start applying that same caution that we have with our enemies to our friendships.
Now, I'm not saying to shut out people who care for you, because there are those friends who love you and want to see nothing but good for you.
But for people who your not so sure about or you think they might have a hidden agenda..or someone your just getting close to..
You should only tell them things that you wouldn't mind someone else knowing, and that way..if it happens to come back to you it's not a devastating blow to your self esteem and you know exactly who to keep your business from...
Just a thought..maybe it should be "Watch Your Enemies Closely , But Watch your Friends Even Closer"

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

Your Friends Are The Reputation You Keep

2009-09-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

Birds of a feather flock together..

You are the company you keep..

Show me your friends and i'll show your yourself

Your friends are a reflection of yourself...

People always have this thing where they think if your friends are one way that you are the same way.
If a girl has slutty friends then she has to be a slut.
Or if a girl has loud ghetto friends she is the same way or worse..a girl who has friends who tell everyone business, she gossips too.
How true is it that we are a reflection of our friends.
Do we unknowingly pick friends because they are who we are or do we pick people to be our friends because they are the exact opposite of us.
If our friends are a certain way , does that that leave the gossip gates open for stories to come about that are not true, just because we associate ourselves with people who already have stories floating around.
Should we pick better groups of friends or should people respect that everyone can be friends with different people and still be ourselves

When it hurts

2009-09-17T03:19:00.000-07:00

There are many things that contribute to the hurt of gossip..one of them is low self esteeem and not being able to love yourself or others.
Speaking from experience I can literally write a book on pain from people.
From the moment people could notice something about me they talked. Painful talks that hurt even now.
When people hurt you they don't think of the consequences. They dont think how hard it might be for you in your daily life ,they dont know the things you don't tell them.
Loving yourself isn't always the easiest thing to do.
For those who are fortunate and are surrounded daily by people who love them ...are so blessed. The people who were told everyday that they were beautiful or that they were loved.
People who never had to go through life changing events. When those events occur you can go 1 of 2 routes, the one where you use that pain to become a better person or the road were you become hardened and angry.
I write from a place of unknowing, I never know if im happy or if im sad...some days im both. When I look back at the events that have happend I feel like I should be so strong, like I should love myself and be proud because I have jumped over more hurdles than others. But, it doesnt feel like that. It feels like people are still talking ever so loudly and hating me and for what reason...I may never know...
I think that Not being sure of yourself might be the real problem...If you constantly are hearing something...do you begin to believe it's true?..do you lie awake at night and try to figure out if what your hearing about you is the truth about yourself.

It"s hard to love , especially to love yourself..Because off so many things I've felt...Idont think I know how to love....and that is a big realization. Its hard for me to become this person who gets love showered on them and returns it. I dont trust people mostly because I havent had anyone in my life who I can trust.
Am I wrong because people have made me who I am.
Am I wrong for thinking twice before telling someone my good news or my bad news.
Or am I wrong for thinking every person in my life who APPEARS to be good is never really that way.
What damage are we doing to ourselves when we screen our entire life instead of just letting it happen.
At some point I would just love to be surrounded by good people in my life who truly just want to be around me because they love me and I would love to be able to love them back,
but would I be a fool if i did...knowing I've only been hurt by people in my life?

How can you tell the difference between the real ones and the fake ones?

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

Who says I'm Not succesful?

2009-09-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

How much power do you let someone elses words have over you?
Do you change your outfit because you think people will talk about it?
Do you go home and cry because someone called you ugly?

Gossip is a big deal, but the bigger is that it's just words...Words that hurt at times yes
But most of the time it's because we don't believe in ourselves enough to know the difference between lies and truth.

There have been countless times that I've felt wonderful about something and then had it crushed because a couple of people told me that they thought it was stupid.

There have been times I've gone partying and knew maybe I acted a little wild , but it never bothered me at all until someone else told me that I behaved badly.

How much of someone elses input do we take? How much of our own do we need to listen to?

When I was in high school , I had a friend who had a daughter..
All through our first year of high school no one knew this. She went to class everyday on time, she had a social life, dressed nice , was popular and still took great care of her daughter.
By the time we got to sophomore year someone found out she had a kid and spread it all around school. People stopped being her friend, rumors went around that she was a slut, that she didn't take care of her daughter and everyone had a new person that was her baby father everyday. After all of that ..a year of drama ,people laughing at her when she walked down the halls , and fighting to clear her name...My friend decided to drop out ,get her g.e.d and not continue at our school. Of course I was upset, But it wasn't my choice , she needed to do what was right for her and we are still friends to this day (I got permission to use this story :))

But what she failed to realize was those people were never her friends, real friends don't talk about you behind your back. Real friends don't turn on you when times get rough and they find out things about you that they didn't know before .
Those things they said about my friend shouldn't have mattered one bit, because they weren't true and those people were just waiting to find out something negative so they could have something to talk about.

So my questions to you is this....
Should what people say affect your life?
If i know I'm here standing here in front of you, I see everything around me, I can feel myself living and breathing . Do I not exist because you say I don't?
If I have overcome challenges in my life and I feel victorious , I feel like I've accomplished everything I've Ever wanted....
Am I not succesful because you say I'm not?

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

The Crazier The Night, The Better The Story In The Morning

2009-09-13T02:55:00.001-07:00

If we all sit and take a look at our lives, we've ALL done crazy things that we are not proud of.
Maybe you had one too many shots of Tequila and you couldn't make it back to your campus without the help of a friend with a very strong back to carry you up 6 flights of stairs.....

Or maybe before she carried you up those stairs you had to barf in the garbage can in the dorm lobby while everyone watched because it was a fire drill.....

Maybe you and a guy dated and You sent him some pictures you thought at the time was a sweet gesture, But after you broke up he posted them on his website and now all his friends are calling you.

Whatever you did is gone....it's the past and maybe you woke up and you were ashamed or you couldn't even remember what happened.
Regardless , you can't change any of it. You can't go back into the past and do everything differently, though if we could you would have taken 3 shots less of tequila.

Regret is an emotions that doesn't need to be used often. It's there so that that you can learn from your mistakes. But if you constantly relive something in your mind that you regret your only going to further stress yourself because you can't change it.

Ok ,so what does this have to do with gossip...I'll tell you right now
All of this can happen to you and as long as you tell no one ...who is going to tell you it happened?.
Unless someone was with you from point A to point F (which they usually are not) then only you can fill in the gaps of that story for them....and you don't have to.
You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you behaved how you behaved, it doesn't matter if your life is going terribly wrong and you needed to blow off some steam.
That is no ones business but your own, because truth be told ...you telling someone that will only come back to bite you later on.
Most things we hear later on about us are things that we told someone else before not thinking that it would be a big conversation piece for people behind your back.
The Biggest way to stop gossip is to not give any information to people who do not need it.
Because you cant fire a gun if you don't have any ammunition....think of it like that

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

The Code Of Honor

2009-09-13T02:11:00.001-07:00

There is a secret Code of Honor that many people don't know about.
It comes into play when you feel you have been disrespected.This code and gossip go hand in hand.
Alot of people have a high tolerance for crap. By crap I Mean people talking about them , laughing in their face, mocking them...anything to make them feel like less of a person.

Alot of people can deal with this and keep their head held high and not let the rumors bother them.
Other people can only take so much. It take alot of self-control and a high level of self-respect to not let people push you over the edge.
People always want a reaction out of you. The majority of people who gossip and spread other peoples business are people who are unhappy themselves or just have nothing better to do than walk around and focus their energy into ruining someone's reputation.

This is where the "Code Of Honor " comes into play.
If you can deal with all of that drama then kudos to you, you've already won half of the battle, but if your a firm believer in the"code" then you know that after 2 people at the most have come to you and told you they've heard something about you from someone else your ready to confront the person at that very moment.
The only problem is you never know how a person might react. The person gossiping might not take lightly to you approaching them in that way and you might not like the person denying ever saying anything about you. For all we know it could turn into an all out cat fight.

Is it worth getting into a fight because someone who really shouldn't matter said things about you that might or might not be true.
Should you let someones words hurt you to the point that you throw all values out the window?
How would you handle it?
Let me know ....

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

Definition Of Gossip

2009-09-13T01:46:00.000-07:00

So I sat down and decided to google the word gossip during my research to see what it really meant
This was what i found:

- conversation about personal matters: conversation about the personal details of other people's lives, whether rumor or fact, especially when malicious

- casual conversation: informal conversation or writing about recent and often personal events

- habitual talker: somebody who habitually discusses the personal details of others' lives

Then I searched again and got this :

1.Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2.A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3.Trivial, chatty talk or writing.

When written out and defined it doesn't look half as bad as when people are taking your good name ,dragging it through the mud and not caring what it does to you.
I don't think we realize the amount of damage we do to each other with something as simple as talking about how many boyfriends one of our friends has had , or who is cheating on their boyfriend.

It's something we do everyday to the point where we don't even realize that we are doing it .
There have been countless times I've walked up to someone and we kiss and hug and after greeting the first thing we say is "Did you hear about so and so" and a long discussion comes up about someone who we either know too well to betray and talk about behind their back or we don't know well enough to run our mouths off.

Regardless we still do it and now it seems men are in on it too.
It kind of makes you wonder who you can really trust doesn't it?

Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson

2009-09-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

HELLOOOOO....
WELCOME TO MY WORLD!
Right now i am writing a book called The Gossip Chronicles, Its a compilation of rules and stories all related to gossip, how it affects us and how we can get through it and avoid it.
It also contains style tips and make-up tips so that you can look your very best

This blog is my introduction of this book to the world.
I'll be using this blog to post snippets from the book , give gossip tips and keep everyone up to date on what's going on with my book.

I hope that everyone finds something interesting in this blog and goes out to buy the book once it's in stores.

Look out for my radio interviews coming very soon
Thanxx for being on this ride with me
Peace and Love
Benji-Wilson